Stop Wating ~ Start Dating!

Posts tagged ‘singles’

Don’t Stop Believing~Seek and Ye Shall Find.

I’m taking a short cut and reposting on of my favorite articles from my first blog attempt. As I have worked with singles for the past decade I’ve noticed how bitterness about a failed relationship can hold people in a state of limbo where they just can’t begin a new with someone else. They believe that they are destined to never find a good person and this belief is a self fulfilling prophesy. They make the same bad choices again and again. They enter a relationship with the same bad attitude; believing it will fail or that there is just no such things as a good man or woman. I honestly think most of the trouble people have with relationships start with their attitude before they ever even get in.

Ever wished you could find the perfect man ? Someone who wanted to fulfill your ever wish or dream. A prince of a man who wanted nothing more than to make you happy. Are you so jaded after dating for so many years or after a nasty break-up that you doubt that such a man exists. Have you ever stopped to think that he maybe like Santa Claus in a way.  You stop believing in the magic so he no longer exists. You stopped writing to him and searching for him in the sky on Christmas Eve. Maybe you can’t find him because you no longer believe he is out there.

Bitterness can blind you if you let it . It can make you lose the ability to see someone delightful because you are too busy looking for the flaws. Disillusionment can turn you into an angry old spinster of a character. Rather certain Mr Right would be frightened off by her too. Maybe Mr Wonderful needs you to sit in his lap and tell him what it is you want and believe that he wants you to have it. You may wake up and find everything you had wished for right before your eyes. If you can still believe that Mr Right exists like you believed that Santa Claus did when you were a child.

“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” – Erich Fromm (1900-1980)

Back in The Saddle ~40 and Single Again

I would like to introduce you to a new Blog that I’ve read for a while now. I’ve read the post from this talented writer and watched her slowly turn the corner from bitter to hopeful.  This post is dedicated to the men and women who find themselves starting over at 40, single, and wondering if things will ever be okay again.

witnessing the shift

I am in a completely different place than I’ve ever been before:  I feel empowered, strong and clear in a way that I probably haven’t ever before in my life.

Let me explain…

I’ve been using creative visualization, conscious intent, meditation and gratitude to heal my heart, transform my energy and get my head on straight. And, despite my deep desire for partnership, I am finally un-stuck to the outcome. In other words, I’m detached. I’ve set my intent, asked the universe to deliver and let go of the need to control how things manifest.

As it relates to dating, here’s how this shift has affected my mindset:

  • I’ve started to enjoy dating. I go out to meet people and practice leaning back in to my feminine energy. I know that the universe has a spectacular sense of humor, so I just open myself to where the experience might go. I’m laughing about that guy I’ve seen twice who keeps finding ways to tell me that there’s no chance for romance between us…but then wants to see me again. Whatever!
  • I trust that I’ve attracted people into my life for a reason. I stay attuned to whatever that lesson or gift might be.
  • I may offer or suggest, but I won’t chase. I may lead or invite, but I don’t make the first move. I let him manage the accelerator; I’ll be ready to brake, if necessary.
  • I shrug off rejection. His loss. He’s doing me a favor by opting out early. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone I had to convince to like me. And I’ll take whatever gift or lesson I might have learned from the experience. As a good friend wisely said, “When a woman chases men, she always catches the weak ones first.”
  • I enter situations with no expectations. I’d rather enjoy the surprise. Besides, if a man thinks he has nothing to offer me…well, then, he clearly doesn’t.
  • I’m flirting with all kinds of men and women in all kinds of situations. I like to flirt; I feel good, and it makes others feel good. It keeps me in touch with my pleasure center.
  • I say “yes” more often. I ask for help and accept it. I’m open to support.
  • I’m saying “no” to distractions to what I want. As much as my 40-year-old libido would love some satisfaction, I’m just not interested without the rewards of emotional intimacy. I’m holding out for a loving relationship.
  • That said, I’m done looking for love. Instead, I’ve decided to BE love! That way, my equal can find me.
  • I know the right man for me will be strong, masculine and forgiving. And, most of all, he will demonstrate through action that he truly and deeply wants to make me happy.
  • I am deeply grateful for all the masculine attention I receive. It’s wonderful to notice others appreciating me!
In summary, my boundaries are healthier than ever, I have greater clarity and I’m genuinely happy in my life. I’m pleased with the choices I’m making and the direction I’m going. Even though I haven’t manifested that amazing life partner, I’m relaxed and peaceful about it. He’s coming to me — I can feel it!

about failedatforty

failedatforty is a divorced and dating homeowner, breadwinner and single mother in the midwest. She divorced, turned 40 and quit her corporate job all within a 10-month stretch. Her blog recounts a journey of healing, self-help and starting to date again with poignancy, introspection and wit. Follow her at or on Twitter, @failedatforty.

This post was originally posted on failed at forty  Please drop by and cheer her on.

Thanks @failedatforty for sharing you trials and stories with us. I’m over here at cheering you on!

Liz Maness

Singles and Regrets ~Why Romance is top of the List

Way too often when asked what thing in life people regret the answer is that chance I didn’t take when it comes to love,relationships and romance. If “onlys” and “I should have” eat singles up inside. Why did I not go out with that one when I had the chance and why did I not tell them how I felt top the list of things people regret in life.

Women tend to name romantic regrets almost twice as often as men and feel they are most responsible when a romantic opportunity is lost. Psychologists have found women are raised in the US to believe that maintaining a relationship is their role in life and are  more likely to blame themselves when something goes wrong in a relationship.

Are you afraid to take a chance on love? Stop letting fear keep you down. Take a chance and tell that certain someone how you feel. What’s the worst thing that can happen? They don’t feel the same way as you do? So what, at least you will know that the feelings you have are a waste of time and you can move forward.

Regret can be a powerful tool if used correctly. We can learn from the things that we regret not doing. We can take a chance and get out there and try  to find love and stop pinning for the one we can’t have or the one we let get away.  Take a chance and try something new. You’ll REGRET it if you don’t.

Stop Waiting Start Dating~

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